Should You Make Your Surrogate Known?

Much of what is discussed about with surrogacy refers to the agreements between surrogate and intended parents. For both parties, considering this process is a serious undertaking that involves a lot of personal reflection and research. From deciding whether to use a surrogacy agency or work independently, to matching with a surrogate to mapping out legal contracts, intended parents especially have a lot on their plates. What is often missed in these discussions, however, is how you as intended parents should handle the decision in your personal lives. Do you share your decision with everyone or only on a need-to-know basis? Do you mention who the surrogate mother is? Though it is ultimately your choice, consider the following factors when navigating the issue.

The Pros and Cons of Secret Surrogacy

For many intended parents, the mere topic of surrogacy can be a sensitive one. Often the choice to have children via surrogate is not the first, and sometimes it is the last option available. Especially in cases of infertility, talking about the obstacles in building a family is not easy. Once the process is started, there are often questions about whether or not to reveal the identity of the surrogate mother.

Respect Her Privacy

There are some obvious pros to keeping the surrogate mother’s identity secret. For celebrities, this is usually the case. Keeping paparazzi and journalists away from the surrogate mother is not only respecting her privacy but also making her safety and comfort a top priority. This is not far from the truth for everyday people as well. Especially in close-knit communities, keeping the surrogate identity a secret ensures that she will be able to carry the baby with more peace of mind and likely less stress, which is important for both her mental and physical well-being. It also simplifies the situation overall; less questions from inquiring friends and family about the surrogate’s life means less chances of fielding judgment calls or unwarranted advice from outsiders.

Celebrate Her Contribution

Cons to keeping your surrogate’s identity a secret include not being able to celebrate her and her generous gift with people you are close to. For many people, surrogacy is a process that not only brings a child into the world but forms a deep and intimate bond between surrogate and intended parents. This bond is rare and is often a reason that both parties choose to undergo the process all over again; surrogacy can be extremely rewarding for the relationships it forms. Intended parents may decide that they want to include their surrogate mother in their personal lives, more than simply just meeting with them to discuss pregnancy plans. Naturally, this is easier and more rewarding if there are no secrets surrounding her identity.

Create Your Ideal Surrogate Arrangement with SPS

At Surrogate Parenting Services (SPS), trained professionals are there with you every step of the way from the matching process to meeting with your surrogate for the first time to the final stages of pregnancy. Because SPS believes in the importance of custom matches, chances that you will find a surrogate mother that you deeply connect with are high. For more information on how to get started building your family, contact SPS at (949) 397-6855.