By the time you begin the surrogacy process, you’ve likely been struggling with infertility or have wanted a family for a long time. Hearing friends and coworkers announce their joyous news can put a lump in your throat and watching the people in your life coo at their little ones can be twice as painful. First of all, you should know that you’re completely normal. Everyone going through the surrogacy process has been there. Here are a few tips to help keep you keep going when it feels like everyone else is getting pregnant.

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s ok not to feel instant elation when you hear someone is expecting. Part of you will likely be happy and excited for your friend, while the other half of you will wonder “Why not me?”. On top of the emotions, you may instantly scold yourself for having such thoughts, but it’s important to acknowledge that you are going through a personal struggle and you’re entitled to feel however you feel. Accepting your emotions will help you cope better than trying to ignore them.

2. Skip Kid and Baby-Related Activities

There is no rule that says you have to attend baby showers and visit with your friends when they’ve got their little ones in tow, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it when you do. Good friends and family members will likely understand your absence without you having to explain it, but you can also let the new parents in your life know you’re thinking of them by sending a gift, arranging for a meal to be delivered to them, or offering some other token. At some point, you’ll probably want to reconnect, so make sure they know you care, even if you can’t make their event. The rest will fall into place over time.

3. Soak Up Your Free Time

If you’ve started the surrogacy process, it’s very likely you will be busy with a baby very soon. Take advantage of the time you have to go places and do things uninhibitedly. Spend time with your non-parent friends, sleep in, stay out late, and have a glass of wine if you want to. Staying active is key in helping make the time go faster while you’re waiting for some good news of your own.

4. Join a Group

There are many groups dedicated to people who are trying to create families. If you’re in a larger city, you’ll find groups for people with infertility,  members of the LGBT community who are going through the surrogacy process, or any other type of situation you may be in. If you’re in a smaller community, do an online search and see what community networks are available. Being surrounded by people in your situation can do wonders.


At SPS, we work very closely with both our surrogates and intended parents throughout every step of the surrogacy process. If you’d like to bring a child of your own into the world, and traditional methods aren’t working, we can help. Contact us today for more information.