As a surrogate mother, you’re looking after a baby for nine months—a life-changing responsibility that ties you to the intended parents (IPs) in an incredibly intimate and powerful way.
Given this extraordinary circumstance, it’s understandable that many surrogates want to have a strong connection with the parents.
While there’s no such thing as a “perfect” intended parent, rest assured there is an ideal match for you. (And remember that when you’re ready to become a surrogate, SPS will help you every step of the way, including the matching process.)
But how will you know that the IPs are the best fit?
Here is how SPS approaches the matching process, and five important things to look for in an intended parent.
The matching process at SPS
When matching surrogates and IPs, some surrogacy agencies give intended parents a database of prospective surrogates to scroll through. But for us, surrogates are far more than a name on a screen.
Our goal is to create a bond and trust between surrogates and IPs to make the experience of both parties as rewarding as possible.
We believe that the matching process should be approached with personal care and extensive experience. Our founder and president, Cristie Montgomery, personally guides the matching process, which is one of the main reasons we have had such a long history of success.
(Read a step-by-step guide to our matching process here.)
What to look for in an intended parent
1. They want the same kind of relationship during the journey and after delivery
When it comes to the relationship between surrogates and IPs, it’s important that you’re on the same page.
Do you want a close relationship with the IPs during your journey? How often do you want to talk to them, and how would you like to communicate? Would you like the IPs to accompany you to doctor’s appointments?
What kind of relationship would you like after you give birth? Do you want it to end or would you like updates about the child?
These are just some of the questions you’ll address when you fill out your profile at the beginning of your journey and at your match meeting.
2. You agree on how many embryos to transfer
After going through IVF, most IPs have more than one embryo available to transfer. Usually, one embryo is transferred, but on occasion, a doctor will recommend transferring two to increase the chances of a successful pregnancy.
If more than one embryo is transferred, the surrogate may end up carrying multiples. So, it’s important that you agree on how many embryos to transfer at one time.
3. You share the same views on selective reduction and termination
Most intended parents in our program have had difficulty in conceiving and experienced loss. For this reason, it’s understandable that they want as healthy a child as possible.
While termination is not common, it’s important that you and the intended parents share similar beliefs on this issue.
These are, of course, difficult topics to discuss, but we will help facilitate these conversations to ensure that everyone is in agreement and feels as comfortable as possible.
4. They meet your expectations in terms of personality, lifestyle, values, etc.
Before you’re matched, it’s a good idea to create a list of characteristics you’d like the IPs to have.
For example, does marital status matter to you? Does it matter where they live? Do you want to work with someone who already has kids? What about sexual orientation and religion? Family structure and level of support? Is it important that they are active and have healthy eating habits or certain dietary restrictions?
The match meeting is also a good opportunity to get to know each other on a more personal level and get a feel for their personality.
5. You have a gut feeling about them
When you meet your potential IPs, it’s important to trust your instincts. Many of our surrogates say that when they met their IPs, it just felt “right.”
Maybe your personalities just clicked, or you feel really drawn to their personal story.
So, while you definitely want to make sure they check the necessary boxes for you (see the earlier points), don’t underestimate the value of a natural connection.
Learn More About Becoming a Surrogate with Surrogate Parenting Services
Surrogate Parenting Services is proud to celebrate over 30 years of helping to bring dreams to life! Founded in 1990, Surrogate Parenting Services (SPS) is a full-service surrogacy agency that offers both parties an exceptionally supportive environment throughout the surrogacy relationship. We’re passionate about creating ideal matches between surrogates and intended parents, so the journey is fulfilling for both sides and the future child is brought into this world in the best possible circumstances.
Learn more about our Surrogacy Program online or by calling 949-363-9525.